he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i now understand why vodka
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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