Plan B is the new Plan A
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
