I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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