Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Let's get the cat blown out
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
