Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
