Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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