Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
