Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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