In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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