In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
