I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
