i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
