i will never coherently bang her
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
