just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
