He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
