You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I need to sanitize my soul.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
