dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
