I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
