Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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