I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
