You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
