that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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