No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Randomize
