its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
