I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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