these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are going to name an STD after you.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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