Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
