I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Randomize
