i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
