I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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