I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
