She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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