i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
