you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
