he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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