Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
