And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
