We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
