If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
they're like a gay fantastic four
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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