I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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