i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i came on her dog
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
