Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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