So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
