i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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