just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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