why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
