whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
