I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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