omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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