All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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