Already got asked if we're dating
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
