I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
