i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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