saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
