bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
