I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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