I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
