just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He passed out mid-signature
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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