I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
