wrigley field is MILF paradise
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
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