i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
