so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
