Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
my poor anus
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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