I wish my penis had an off switch
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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