Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize