I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
