You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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