just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
