Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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