A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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