someone owes me an orgasm
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
