he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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