Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
