You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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