You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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